The Do’s and Do NOTs of Asking for a Pay Raise

Working as a groom means long hours, constant motion, and balancing care with competence. You handle the horses, the chaos, the weather, and make sure everything runs smoothly. This busy lifestyle doesn’t leave much time for regular team meetings, let alone formal performance reviews. Not having that opportunity to discuss how you are doing in your role can make asking for a raise feel very awkward or even risky. 

Step 1: Start by seeing both sides

From your perspective:

You might be at a turning point in life – paying more rent, reaching for higher goals, or simply realizing your experience deserves more recognition. You may feel unseen, tired, or undervalued. Maybe you’ve thought about quitting, or have already started to scale back your efforts to “match what they pay”. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to help your case…let’s talk about it.

From the employer’s perspective:

Barn owners or trainers often balance razor-thin margins between unpredictable expenses and high expectations from clients. They notice consistency, effort, and attitude – even if they don’t acknowledge it. They can also tell when someone has mentally checked out. They’re more likely to consider investing in employees who bring energy, reliability, and initiative over the employees who waste time and drain energy from others. 

Let’s compare it to horses…

Imagine two different horses in your barn. One is bright-eyed, willing, and eager to learn. It is pleasant to work with, consistent in any setting, and the ‘barn favorite’. Then, think of the other horse that resists every cue, makes every ride a battle, and constantly bangs on their stall door to annoy everyone in the barn. 

Which one will the trainer choose to pour more time, trust, and resources into? And which one will they accept the first offer on to get them out the door?

Before approaching an employer with the tough conversation about a pay raise, set up the conversation for success. Be the bright-eyed and reliable employee that they want to keep around. 

Step 2:  Prepare ahead of time

• Timing is everything. Avoid catching your boss between clients or during rush hour in the barn. If they’re especially hard to catch, then simply ask them for a few minutes when things calm down.
• Practice professional language and phrases. Instead of “I need more money”, try rephrasing to “I enjoy working here and want to continue growing with the team. Can we talk about my responsibilities and compensation?”
• Acknowledge the realities. What are your needs vs. wants? If your barn runs on a tight budget, consider some creative solutions to offer instead: paid time off, lessons, or bonuses when things go well for the business. These options need to be considered carefully though; training on a grand prix horse might be a wonderful opportunity but will it help solve the problem that pushed you to a conversation about the pay? If it’s worth the reward, be sure to confirm any added benefits in writing.

Step 3:  Make it a conversation, not a confrontation

Avoid any ultimatums. Threatening to leave rarely leads to lasting relationships! It can damage trust and limit future opportunities. Instead, be honest about your goals and your needs – employers are far more open to solutions when they don’t feel cornered. 

A pay raise isn’t a showdown. It should be an evaluation of shared goals. Expect to go in with your comments and suggestions, but also be prepared to LISTEN. 

Questions to ask yourself – and maybe your boss? 

Do you know the bigger goals of the business? 

If not – ask what a successful year would look like for the yard. 

How can you support those goals? 

(It might be that your boss doesn’t have the answers, but together you do!)

Although it’s daunting, it is also valuable to ask for feedback. Find out what your employer sees as the next level for you that could justify a raise. It may surprise you that employers often have a long-term plan for you, but never had the chance to express it. Sometimes a conversation can open the door for those changes to get underway.

What If It’s No?

Even with the best preparation, a great conversation, and acknowledgement from your boss about the contributions you make, it might not be possible to pay you more money at this point. If that’s the case, it would be remiss to not discuss this eventuality. 

This is the time where it’s very important to be mindful of how you represent yourself. You may be very disappointed and rightly so. (Tip: it’s ideal to talk through this with someone who isn’t connected to your workplace, if possible). You might wish to take advantage of IGA Groom’s Minds if you prefer to speak to someone totally impartial. 

By responding professionally, your employer will be much more inclined to support your next step, spot opportunities for you, or even (eventually) give the pay rise you asked for – but only if you continue to demonstrate a positive contribution to the team. Think of it as protecting your future self; this could be the difference between a glowing, supportive reference or a less favourable one. Remember the horse world is a small one! 

The key takeaways here are to:

• Demonstrate (not demand) your value
• Prepare your approach (professionally),
• and Engage in conversation (not conflict). 

You may want to take notes and respond with a thank you to add in a follow-up on those discussion points. e.g. “yes we can look at increasing your basic pay rate” – respond with, “Thank you for our conversation. I look forward to reviewing this next week if that works for you”. And certainly be sure to include any changes to responsibilities, offers, or pay in writing (respective of the employment laws in your country). 

If you take these steps, being organised vs emotional, this will help you have the confidence to approach what feels like a daunting conversation. Know that by doing this, you are also becoming part of the positive change needed in the industry – and everyone at HorseGrooms is here to support you through that!