Life will hand us some big losses. It’s guaranteed that during our lives we will lose not only people but also animals, things and situations dear to us. Some of these losses will be expected, maybe even planned; other times they will be out of the blue, a shock to our system. Either way, we will find ourselves grieving.
Grief comes in many shapes and sizes. No one person’s response is the same as another’s. Grief can sneak up on you. You can feel fine and then all of a sudden feel its impact. Maybe something in the environment triggered your reaction, or perhaps it was just a thought that crossed your mind, or perhaps it was nothing at all.
The Grief Response and Process
Grief can feel like sadness, despair, anger, hurt and/or frustration. It can look like depression or sometimes like anxiety. For everyone, the grief response and its process is unique. Some folks are stoic; some are very sensitive; and some are both. Some march on, and others need to stop and just be.
Grief can last a long time, but it won’t last forever. Grief softens over time, even if a piece of it is always there. It’s all OK, and it’s all normal.
Here is some advice to care for yourself as you’re processing grief.
- Be compassionate with yourself. As I mentioned above, everyone grieves in their own way.
- Allow space for yourself to process. If you need to talk, talk. If you need to take a walk in the woods alone, then do it.
- Ask for what you need. If you don’t know what you need, tell someone that very thing.
- Take extra care of yourself. Try to eat well, sleep and don’t overindulge in alcohol or other substances.
- Rely on your community. Community helps support us through all of life’s challenges. Don’t try to “tough it out.”
- Don’t be surprised if grief shows up again later. Anniversary reactions are very common.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help. We all need some extra support sometimes, and there is a lot of help out there. I recommend people start with their primary care physician or spiritual advisor. If that is not possible, there are grief support groups and hotlines in every state and most countries along with online therapy resources.
Be There For Each Other
As equestrians, we tend to be solitary and stoic. Self-reliant and fiercely independent, it can be challenging for us to reveal our feelings or ask for support. We also are a tight-knit and powerful group, who readily come through in tough times. If you sense that someone in your community is grieving and feeling alone, reach out. Sometimes it’s just a little acknowledgement from a peer that helps us know that we’re not alone. And as I mentioned above, community support is essential in helping all of us navigate the big losses in life.
I’m a Sport and Performance Psychologist who works with equestrians and other high-performance individuals in sports and business. My mission is to elevate performance, increase satisfaction, and support mental wellness in every aspect of my clients’ lives — in and out of the show ring. I consult with riders of all disciplines, from elite professionals to young juniors and their families, as well as business owners in the industry. I have a deep understanding of the equestrian athlete and am a competitor myself in the hunter and equitation divisions on west coast show circuits.
